Posts Tagged ‘Canada’

   Being that I’ve only recently returned to the world of self-promotional blogging, I feel that it’s only fitting to introduce myself in a way that other forms of social media tend to fail in. However, to make it fun, here’s what I’m going to do: I will list eleven things about myself. One of these things will be a lie. I repeat, ONLY one. It is up to you, the reader, to discern which one. Shall we begin?

  1. From an early age I had a burning desire to become a member of the R.C.M.P. (Royal Canadian Mounted Police). It was not until 3rd grade that I was told that in order to do so I would have to become a Canadian citizen and learn to ride a horse (the latter of which I can do to some feeble degree).
  2. I was once sitting on a sofa that was lit ablaze without my knowing. It was upholstered in what appeared to be green polyester and became nothing short of a roaring inferno in mere seconds. No, this was not indoors. I’m from the Ozarks where outdoor furnishing is not uncommon.
  3. I met my wife as a direct result of professional wrestling and frankly, I was annoyed that she kept showing-up with her brother on “Man Night”. Nearly 15 years of marriage later I have learned to forgive her.
  4. Several friends and I used to play a game where we would lay across the hood of a 1985 Plymouth Reliant and hang-on for dear life as it was driven by another irresponsible teen down a stretch of poorly maintained dirt road. The objective of the driver was to shake the person off of the hood. Many times we ended-up lying bloody and battered in the ditch. Mercifully, none of us were ever ran over. Again, this was the Ozarks.
  5. I have tinkered and toyed with the idea of becoming a professional comic book illustrator for much of my life. For various reasons I’ve never really given it my full effort, but if ever I do (which I won’t), I have over 40 original characters in my arsenal to choose from.
  6. I have an unnatural fear of amputation and amputees.
  7. In high school, some classmates and I engaged in a project wherein we fabricated a band in the vein of Spinal Tap and created a “Rockumentary” to introduce them as well as post fliers and such to promote a concert that would take place free, for all students on a particular date. Ultimately, students did not realize that the whole thing was a sham, done strictly for a grade, and showed-up for the aforementioned concert, which was not to be. That, coupled with some of our song titles and lyrical content made for an unhappy administration.
  8. In keeping with my would-be careers that never quite panned-out. After high school I had every intention to pursue a career as a professional wrestler. I got as far as finding-out how “fake” it actually was before heading home to lick my wounds and formulate a new career directive.
  9. In the late 1980’s I was imprisoned in an abandoned mine shaft by members of the lackluster Hair Metal band White Lion. I only survived because I was able to use my enchanted harp to summon a team of Pegasi (more than one Pegasus) to lift me to safety.
  10. I have more useless knowledge in the matters of pro wrestling, Doctor Who, and Rock N’ Roll than any ten nerds rightly should.
  11. In the year 2000 I worked for a local grocery establishment as a stock person. On a certain Tuesday afternoon with the store teeming with elderly women, I squatted to pick-up a flat of canned beans and my cheaply-made belt snapped. Startled, I stood-up quickly, however my pants chose not to come along for the ride. I garnered far more attention that day than I ever desired from the geriatric community.

   There you have it. Which is the lie? Comment below!

   Good night and remember…Tell the world. Tell this to everybody, wherever they are. Watch the skies everywhere. Keep looking. Keep watching the skies.